We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
