Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
