This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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