he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
