I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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