ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
