Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
