I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
