I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
