A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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