The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
