Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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