how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
