That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
