I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
