Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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