i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My ATM looks so different sober.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
