Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
