Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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