Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
