we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
