If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
