please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The Olympian is in my bed
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
