why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
