is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
