Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
