i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she smelled like a LAN party
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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