It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
