just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
