The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
