Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Randomize
