Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
