shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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