What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
