Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
