based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
