I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
