I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
