I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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