I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
4 words: hood of his car
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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