There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
