Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
