i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
