I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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