he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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