his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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