FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
