Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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