If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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