her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
