i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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