I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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